Something I never knew about
until the last few years
is the kind of grief
that lives alongside dating.
There is the obvious grief
of missing a person.
Someone you may have known more intimately
than almost anyone else in the world.
And when no one else knew them
the way you did,
even the most well-intentioned comfort after the loss
can feel hollow.
But not every dating connection
reaches that depth.
So what are we actually grieving?
I think what is really happening
is that we meet people
who give us hope.
And hope can be dangerous.
Because once hope arrives,
imagination follows.
You start seeing small flashes
of a different life.
Not going to bed alone anymore.
Fullness instead of the constant ache of missing touch.
Shared expenses and health insurance.
And maybe what it all comes down to
are unmet needs
and a hunger for stability.
Grief wells up when those imagined futures disappear.
When instability reappears.
When the dream of steady love dissolves again.
When the magical person you once believed in
reveals they don’t have the capacity for you
and abandons ship.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable.”
It is something I have chosen to live by.
And I’m discovering more and more
how it haunts me.
Because vulnerability
is one of the most painful feelings
you can put yourself through.
But it grows you.
It softens you.
It teaches you.
It strengthens you.
And still you choose it.
Even when it hurts.
Again and again.
In the hope of being loved
and known
in the deepest ways
imaginable.
Sincerely,
Vera Lynn
By Vera Lynn 
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